Thanks Dad

Last Sunday, I received a call from my mom that my father died. I’m not sure why people think that because my dad was sick this news was any easier. All I could think about was the finality of death. The fact my dad wasn’t going to get better or attend any more family events. The fact that he was 69 and how young he was when he passed.

At first I was angry. Angry that other people don’t take care of their bodies yet my dad worked out everyday and didn’t see the age of 70. His age never defined who he was or what he was capable of. I was angry that people who I barely speak to reached out to see if I was okay, yet most other days I never hear from them. Then I was sad, sad that I didn’t have the closest relationship to my dad because he seemed to be extra hard on me. I then felt jealous, jealous that my husband had such a close knit relationship with his dad or that my younger siblings had a different experience with our dad. 

The emotional rollercoaster this week never ended. I didn’t want to be told how strong I was or how tough. All I wanted to do was sit in silence and try to understand what just happened. The house I grew up in filled with flowers this week. We were blessed with many delicious meals and many beautiful cards. We celebrated my Dad’s life at Beardslee Castle the restaurant we went every Thanksgiving. We closed the chapter at Beardlsee Castle, this Thanksgiving we will have to start a new tradition. A 30+ year old tradition has now ended.

As I am getting ready to fly back to Wisconsin and bracing myself for the start of the work week. I am a little speechless. A week after my Dad died, life has to resume. Life has to go on. I can’t fixate on death when I still have life to live. It reminded me to keep my most treasured relationships close and continue to invest time into those who truly love me. 

I want my mom to continue to live life and look forward to the next chapter. I love seeing my siblings with their significant others continuing to love and be loved. Luckily for Josh, I am going to double down on our diet again as I have to keep him healthy for as long as humanly possible. 

Thank you Dad. Thank you for being hard on me and pushing me constantly to never settle. Thank you for the tough love as it made me stronger especially in a male dominated field. Thank you for loving mom and showing me the importance of supporting your spouse and their decisions. You both truly were in lock step raising us. Neither of you put each other down and showed an alliance. Most importantly thank you for constantly seeing the good in people and not caring what people thought of you. You lived your life the way you wanted to live it: on Bob Adams time. 

Why I choose honesty

It's only early March, and already, I feel like I've packed a year's worth of accomplishment into these first few months. January saw me tackle a sober month, a challenge I met head-on. Consistent workouts, four to five times a week, have become a non-negotiable part of my routine. And now, as Lent begins, I'm choosing to extend that sobriety further, committing to a period without alcohol. Beyond the physical, I've also found a rhythm with virtual church services – a testament to how adaptable we've all become – and read eight books, discovering the magic of audiobooks to keep my mind engaged.

But here's a thought: what if I made it all up?

Why would I even consider that? The truth is, I grew up with a mother who possessed the ability to see through any facade. There was no point in attempting a poker face or concealing anything. Honesty wasn't just a virtue; it was the only option. She fostered a culture where calling her for a ride after a party was always safer than drunk driving, where owning up to a fender bender was a given, and where her gut instincts about people, often proven right, were respected. She could even seemingly guess the cost of an impulse buy with accuracy – not magic, just the wisdom of lived experience.

That upbringing instilled in me a deep understanding that lying isn't just morally wrong; it's disrespectful. It implies a lack of respect for the intelligence of the person being deceived. "Do you think I'm stupid?" – a question I've heard, and perhaps asked countless times. As a child, I didn't fully grasp the inherent disrespect in dishonesty. I often justified it as a means of protection, for myself or others, but in reality, I was doing neither.

As I have aged, I can see how my mom developed her instincts. In an industry where I work with a lot of people, you learn a lot about people. You can tell when people lie, it's very apparent. I have learned to take certain conversations at face value, while also figuring out people that I trust. I realized it's not worth lying about something to get someone's approval. I was worried when I first introduced my husband to my family they weren't going to approve. But lying about any part of him would have been disrespecting him and myself. 

As I start to think about the other lies/stupid stuff I did...

 Did I spend way too much money on a golden doodle? Absolutely but I'm not going to lie about it, Bailey was a choice that I made. Did I spend $10,000 so I could drive a Mini Cooper and pretend I was in the Italian Job? 100% the worst purchase I made and I ate ramen to afford the payments. Did I keep my hair platinum blonde for some time because the guy I was with liked blondes? You betcha, I damaged the crap out of my hair while also not just admitting I am a natural brunette. We do silly things for the approval of others, we say silly things for people to like us. But the reality is the truth is so much easier. It's easier than losing money on a bad purchase, ruining your hair, or most importantly damaging a relationship with a family member.

It sounds so simple, but the truth really does set you free. You don't have to remember the lies you told or keep up with them. 

At the end of the day, it's hey this is who I am and this is what I got going on. Listen to advice from those trying to help, and do your best to get better at decision making.

If you take anything from this post, don't lie to your parents. The future is uncertain, and there's a possibility they'll lose their memories. There's a possibility that someday they will forget who you are and then the lies you told them really are pointless.  

Choose Honesty. 

Tik Tok on the Clock....

Twenty days into the new year, and I'm still strong in my Dry January commitment, despite the frigid temperatures. Believe me, a hot toddy or a glass of wine would be incredibly tempting on these cold nights. But self-discipline truly does taste sweeter.

Instead of setting a traditional New Year's resolution this year, I chose a "word of the year": Consistency. Building on my successful reading goals from the past two years, I aim to consistently read or listen to at least 12 books in 2025. I'm also prioritizing self-care, incorporating consistent walks on the treadmill with a weighted vest and a simplified skincare routine. Let's be honest, I'm not going for a 14-step skincare regimen – a little moisturizer goes a long way.

I have learned to find something to look forward to on Sundays instead of getting the Sunday Scaries. I wake up and watch the local Lutheran Church service while walking on the treadmill. I sing the songs and afterward, spend time understanding the passages. I continue to get better at reading and also am improving my comprehension. Social Media has ruined our ability to focus or pay attention for more than just a 30-second video. I am on the road to taking my patience and focus back.

I have also spent time realizing how lonely life truly is. When I was younger, growing up in a house of 5 siblings all I wanted was some alone time. In college, if I wasn't around my friends, I found myself struggling to focus on any good, only the bad. As an adult sometimes we are around people and we feel more alone. Doom scrolling even while watching TV, which back in the 90s, and early 2000s TV was your "rot day" or your distraction from reality, or a couch potato sick day. I spent time missing how fun life used to be before the only way we would communicate was by sending videos back and forth to each other. 

We must find activities that make us happy and do them, even if we must do it ourselves. If you wait for someone to try something you want to try you could be spending time on a clock you won't get back. The Mary in her 20s would find restaurants or hiking trails or a bucket list trip and take it. Don't let anyone hold you back from trying something new. Not even a family member, boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, friend, coworker, or heck even your dog. (People will watch your animals)

(Disclaimer when I say try something new I don't mean anything illegal, drugs and breaking the law are bad, very bad.)

Don't decide to be a "lifer" at anything but being yourself. You aren't stuck at any job, and you aren't stuck where you live, now if you have a pet you are stuck with them but that is a choice that was made before you bought or adopted. 

At the end of the day, you are the only one who gets to look back at your life and judge your decisions. Your family and friends can give you advice, but the decisions you make are yours. We aren't getting younger people, I'm getting older writing this post.

Be responsible with your money, spend your time with intent, and don't expect others to make you happy. 

Happy Monday Y'all.