Friday, June 27, 2025

Let them? Let me? Help me...


I recently finished reading Mel Robbins' book, Let Them. There were parts of the book that made me roll my eyes, like the notion that "no one can ruin your day; you are letting them." I mean, come on—there are definitely people who can ruin my day. That said, I appreciate the underlying message: we often give others the power to impact how we feel, and ultimately, that responsibility lies with us.

For the past few years living in Wisconsin, I’ve blamed my husband for my lack of friends. With my family living over 1,700 miles away, making friends as an adult has been quite the challenge. Mel Robbins reminded me that this is really a "Mary problem." You can't meet new people by staying home, feeding your chickens, and sipping a Michelob Ultra on the porch. Oofta! This means I need to step out of my comfort zone and start striking up conversations with people in public to forge connections. See why the porch seems so inviting? 

I understand the Let Them concept, especially the idea that we can't control others. People make decisions every day that make me think, "Eh, I wouldn’t do that," but as Mel points out, my opinions really don't matter in the grand scheme. I particularly enjoyed her thoughts on parent-child relationships. Growing up, it was more important for me to navigate my struggles rather than have my parents just throw money at my problems. I learned that to be truly independent, my parents were better off as an advice sounding board than a bank. It didn’t stop me from eating ramen or PB&J sandwiches, but I did what I had to do to stand on my own. To this day, if I need a comfort meal, I heat up a bowl of ramen, it reminds me of how far I've come.

What struck me the most was the "Let Me" concept. We hold the responsibility for our own happiness and for safeguarding our peace. This year, I’ve been focusing heavily on protecting my peace. However, both concepts—"Let Me" and "Let Them"—can feel somewhat isolating. When you allow others to pursue their own paths while you focus on yours, it can leave you feeling like you’re back well, on my porch. I understand that wasn’t the main message of the book, but I’ve been experiencing a sense of loneliness lately. This past Father's Day was particularly challenging for me. Growing up in a family of eight, we were a tight-knit unit; no one could disrupt our bond except us. I’ve carried this sense of loyalty into my support for my husband and friends. This is where the "Let Them" concept can be disheartening, especially for those of us who genuinely wish the best for everyone. Just to clarify, I’m not seeking recognition or anything in return for my kindness. I’ve come to realize that simply being present or consistently doing things for someone doesn’t guarantee their care or respect. That realization can be quite a lonely one.

Cherish the years that you struggled, it gives you something to look back on and smile. I remember living in a hole in the wall with a black lab puppy in Northern California. Now that same black lab has 20 acres to roam.