Last Sunday, I received a call from my mom that my father died. I’m not sure why people think that because my dad was sick this news was any easier. All I could think about was the finality of death. The fact my dad wasn’t going to get better or attend any more family events. The fact that he was 69 and how young he was when he passed.
At first I was angry. Angry that other people don’t take care of their bodies yet my dad worked out everyday and didn’t see the age of 70. His age never defined who he was or what he was capable of. I was angry that people who I barely speak to reached out to see if I was okay, yet most other days I never hear from them. Then I was sad, sad that I didn’t have the closest relationship to my dad because he seemed to be extra hard on me. I then felt jealous, jealous that my husband had such a close knit relationship with his dad or that my younger siblings had a different experience with our dad.
The emotional rollercoaster this week never ended. I didn’t want to be told how strong I was or how tough. All I wanted to do was sit in silence and try to understand what just happened. The house I grew up in filled with flowers this week. We were blessed with many delicious meals and many beautiful cards. We celebrated my Dad’s life at Beardslee Castle the restaurant we went every Thanksgiving. We closed the chapter at Beardlsee Castle, this Thanksgiving we will have to start a new tradition. A 30+ year old tradition has now ended.
As I am getting ready to fly back to Wisconsin and bracing myself for the start of the work week. I am a little speechless. A week after my Dad died, life has to resume. Life has to go on. I can’t fixate on death when I still have life to live. It reminded me to keep my most treasured relationships close and continue to invest time into those who truly love me.
I want my mom to continue to live life and look forward to the next chapter. I love seeing my siblings with their significant others continuing to love and be loved. Luckily for Josh, I am going to double down on our diet again as I have to keep him healthy for as long as humanly possible.
Thank you Dad. Thank you for being hard on me and pushing me constantly to never settle. Thank you for the tough love as it made me stronger especially in a male dominated field. Thank you for loving mom and showing me the importance of supporting your spouse and their decisions. You both truly were in lock step raising us. Neither of you put each other down and showed an alliance. Most importantly thank you for constantly seeing the good in people and not caring what people thought of you. You lived your life the way you wanted to live it: on Bob Adams time.