Let them? Let me? Help me...

I recently finished reading Mel Robbins' book, Let Them. There were parts of the book that made me roll my eyes, like the notion that "no one can ruin your day; you are letting them." I mean, come on—there are definitely people who can ruin my day. That said, I appreciate the underlying message: we often give others the power to impact how we feel, and ultimately, that responsibility lies with us.

For the past few years living in Wisconsin, I’ve blamed my husband for my lack of friends. With my family living over 1,700 miles away, making friends as an adult has been quite the challenge. Mel Robbins reminded me that this is really a "Mary problem." You can't meet new people by staying home, feeding your chickens, and sipping a Michelob Ultra on the porch. Oofta! This means I need to step out of my comfort zone and start striking up conversations with people in public to forge connections. See why the porch seems so inviting? 

I understand the Let Them concept, especially the idea that we can't control others. People make decisions every day that make me think, "Eh, I wouldn’t do that," but as Mel points out, my opinions really don't matter in the grand scheme. I particularly enjoyed her thoughts on parent-child relationships. Growing up, it was more important for me to navigate my struggles rather than have my parents just throw money at my problems. I learned that to be truly independent, my parents were better off as an advice sounding board than a bank. It didn’t stop me from eating ramen or PB&J sandwiches, but I did what I had to do to stand on my own. To this day, if I need a comfort meal, I heat up a bowl of ramen, it reminds me of how far I've come.

What struck me the most was the "Let Me" concept. We hold the responsibility for our own happiness and for safeguarding our peace. This year, I’ve been focusing heavily on protecting my peace. However, both concepts—"Let Me" and "Let Them"—can feel somewhat isolating. When you allow others to pursue their own paths while you focus on yours, it can leave you feeling like you’re back well, on my porch. I understand that wasn’t the main message of the book, but I’ve been experiencing a sense of loneliness lately. This past Father's Day was particularly challenging for me. Growing up in a family of eight, we were a tight-knit unit; no one could disrupt our bond except us. I’ve carried this sense of loyalty into my support for my husband and friends. This is where the "Let Them" concept can be disheartening, especially for those of us who genuinely wish the best for everyone. Just to clarify, I’m not seeking recognition or anything in return for my kindness. I’ve come to realize that simply being present or consistently doing things for someone doesn’t guarantee their care or respect. That realization can be quite a lonely one.

Cherish the years that you struggled, it gives you something to look back on and smile. I remember living in a hole in the wall with a black lab puppy in Northern California. Now that same black lab has 20 acres to roam. 

Thanks Dad

Last Sunday, I received a call from my mom that my father died. I’m not sure why people think that because my dad was sick this news was any easier. All I could think about was the finality of death. The fact my dad wasn’t going to get better or attend any more family events. The fact that he was 69 and how young he was when he passed.

At first I was angry. Angry that other people don’t take care of their bodies yet my dad worked out everyday and didn’t see the age of 70. His age never defined who he was or what he was capable of. I was angry that people who I barely speak to reached out to see if I was okay, yet most other days I never hear from them. Then I was sad, sad that I didn’t have the closest relationship to my dad because he seemed to be extra hard on me. I then felt jealous, jealous that my husband had such a close knit relationship with his dad or that my younger siblings had a different experience with our dad. 

The emotional rollercoaster this week never ended. I didn’t want to be told how strong I was or how tough. All I wanted to do was sit in silence and try to understand what just happened. The house I grew up in filled with flowers this week. We were blessed with many delicious meals and many beautiful cards. We celebrated my Dad’s life at Beardslee Castle the restaurant we went every Thanksgiving. We closed the chapter at Beardlsee Castle, this Thanksgiving we will have to start a new tradition. A 30+ year old tradition has now ended.

As I am getting ready to fly back to Wisconsin and bracing myself for the start of the work week. I am a little speechless. A week after my Dad died, life has to resume. Life has to go on. I can’t fixate on death when I still have life to live. It reminded me to keep my most treasured relationships close and continue to invest time into those who truly love me. 

I want my mom to continue to live life and look forward to the next chapter. I love seeing my siblings with their significant others continuing to love and be loved. Luckily for Josh, I am going to double down on our diet again as I have to keep him healthy for as long as humanly possible. 

Thank you Dad. Thank you for being hard on me and pushing me constantly to never settle. Thank you for the tough love as it made me stronger especially in a male dominated field. Thank you for loving mom and showing me the importance of supporting your spouse and their decisions. You both truly were in lock step raising us. Neither of you put each other down and showed an alliance. Most importantly thank you for constantly seeing the good in people and not caring what people thought of you. You lived your life the way you wanted to live it: on Bob Adams time. 

Why I choose honesty

It's only early March, and already, I feel like I've packed a year's worth of accomplishment into these first few months. January saw me tackle a sober month, a challenge I met head-on. Consistent workouts, four to five times a week, have become a non-negotiable part of my routine. And now, as Lent begins, I'm choosing to extend that sobriety further, committing to a period without alcohol. Beyond the physical, I've also found a rhythm with virtual church services – a testament to how adaptable we've all become – and read eight books, discovering the magic of audiobooks to keep my mind engaged.

But here's a thought: what if I made it all up?

Why would I even consider that? The truth is, I grew up with a mother who possessed the ability to see through any facade. There was no point in attempting a poker face or concealing anything. Honesty wasn't just a virtue; it was the only option. She fostered a culture where calling her for a ride after a party was always safer than drunk driving, where owning up to a fender bender was a given, and where her gut instincts about people, often proven right, were respected. She could even seemingly guess the cost of an impulse buy with accuracy – not magic, just the wisdom of lived experience.

That upbringing instilled in me a deep understanding that lying isn't just morally wrong; it's disrespectful. It implies a lack of respect for the intelligence of the person being deceived. "Do you think I'm stupid?" – a question I've heard, and perhaps asked countless times. As a child, I didn't fully grasp the inherent disrespect in dishonesty. I often justified it as a means of protection, for myself or others, but in reality, I was doing neither.

As I have aged, I can see how my mom developed her instincts. In an industry where I work with a lot of people, you learn a lot about people. You can tell when people lie, it's very apparent. I have learned to take certain conversations at face value, while also figuring out people that I trust. I realized it's not worth lying about something to get someone's approval. I was worried when I first introduced my husband to my family they weren't going to approve. But lying about any part of him would have been disrespecting him and myself. 

As I start to think about the other lies/stupid stuff I did...

 Did I spend way too much money on a golden doodle? Absolutely but I'm not going to lie about it, Bailey was a choice that I made. Did I spend $10,000 so I could drive a Mini Cooper and pretend I was in the Italian Job? 100% the worst purchase I made and I ate ramen to afford the payments. Did I keep my hair platinum blonde for some time because the guy I was with liked blondes? You betcha, I damaged the crap out of my hair while also not just admitting I am a natural brunette. We do silly things for the approval of others, we say silly things for people to like us. But the reality is the truth is so much easier. It's easier than losing money on a bad purchase, ruining your hair, or most importantly damaging a relationship with a family member.

It sounds so simple, but the truth really does set you free. You don't have to remember the lies you told or keep up with them. 

At the end of the day, it's hey this is who I am and this is what I got going on. Listen to advice from those trying to help, and do your best to get better at decision making.

If you take anything from this post, don't lie to your parents. The future is uncertain, and there's a possibility they'll lose their memories. There's a possibility that someday they will forget who you are and then the lies you told them really are pointless.  

Choose Honesty. 

Tik Tok on the Clock....

Twenty days into the new year, and I'm still strong in my Dry January commitment, despite the frigid temperatures. Believe me, a hot toddy or a glass of wine would be incredibly tempting on these cold nights. But self-discipline truly does taste sweeter.

Instead of setting a traditional New Year's resolution this year, I chose a "word of the year": Consistency. Building on my successful reading goals from the past two years, I aim to consistently read or listen to at least 12 books in 2025. I'm also prioritizing self-care, incorporating consistent walks on the treadmill with a weighted vest and a simplified skincare routine. Let's be honest, I'm not going for a 14-step skincare regimen – a little moisturizer goes a long way.

I have learned to find something to look forward to on Sundays instead of getting the Sunday Scaries. I wake up and watch the local Lutheran Church service while walking on the treadmill. I sing the songs and afterward, spend time understanding the passages. I continue to get better at reading and also am improving my comprehension. Social Media has ruined our ability to focus or pay attention for more than just a 30-second video. I am on the road to taking my patience and focus back.

I have also spent time realizing how lonely life truly is. When I was younger, growing up in a house of 5 siblings all I wanted was some alone time. In college, if I wasn't around my friends, I found myself struggling to focus on any good, only the bad. As an adult sometimes we are around people and we feel more alone. Doom scrolling even while watching TV, which back in the 90s, and early 2000s TV was your "rot day" or your distraction from reality, or a couch potato sick day. I spent time missing how fun life used to be before the only way we would communicate was by sending videos back and forth to each other. 

We must find activities that make us happy and do them, even if we must do it ourselves. If you wait for someone to try something you want to try you could be spending time on a clock you won't get back. The Mary in her 20s would find restaurants or hiking trails or a bucket list trip and take it. Don't let anyone hold you back from trying something new. Not even a family member, boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, friend, coworker, or heck even your dog. (People will watch your animals)

(Disclaimer when I say try something new I don't mean anything illegal, drugs and breaking the law are bad, very bad.)

Don't decide to be a "lifer" at anything but being yourself. You aren't stuck at any job, and you aren't stuck where you live, now if you have a pet you are stuck with them but that is a choice that was made before you bought or adopted. 

At the end of the day, you are the only one who gets to look back at your life and judge your decisions. Your family and friends can give you advice, but the decisions you make are yours. We aren't getting younger people, I'm getting older writing this post.

Be responsible with your money, spend your time with intent, and don't expect others to make you happy. 

Happy Monday Y'all. 

Another year in the books

These days before the holiday always have me reflecting a bit. 

2024 Oh where did you go? So much has changed this year as we sold a house, bought a home, got a new job, traveled internationally, and did our yearly national park trip. We grew our own vegetables, planted flowers, raised 8 chickens (kept 5 alive from the coyotes), and have farm-fresh eggs. We started making sourdough, renovated the downstairs bathroom, and many other projects around the house. We added a new driver to the family, a new high school graduate, and attended a wedding in June where we added another Miller to the family. 

Overall lots of good obviously I won't list the bad. This time is a time for reflection not a time to add to seasonal depression. 

Main points I learned this year:

• The consumerism chokehold that social media has on us! I started tracking my spending in a spreadsheet and realized I could simmer down on Amazon and Instagram influencers.
• Help others when you can, everything is expensive. Gifts of cash, groceries, and home-cooked meals/treats make such a difference.
• Eat food, real food. You can't say it is more expensive to eat healthy but a bag of Doritos is $7, and a meal at McDonalds is over $15. An Aldi's produce trip is usually $30-40.
• I need a hobby desperately. I like to read but that comes and goes in waves. I have to get away from phone/computer screens after work.
•  Stress is a part of life, stressful situations continue to happen. You continue to grieve and you continue to live. You can't dwell on all the bad things even if it feels like you are drowning. I have made significant progress in this category. I used to be the worst person to have around in a highly tense situation. On Friday Josh woke me up at 2am to drive to the ER because he thought he was having a heart attack. I could of cried or panicked but that just wasn't going to get the job done. When someone we love is going through a stressful situation remaining calm and supportive is the best way you can act. If I started panicking or stressing out that would have made the situation so much worse. 
• Advice, when people ask for it make sure they genuinely care about what you are going to say. I will never question someone's choices in life as it's their life. The problem is people get stuck in life, and to get yourself out of a cycle, a change/decision/action needs to happen. Ask for advice, don't ask for advice, but get yourself out of the rut. Life is too short!

The main learning point:

• At the end of the day there is always someone who is going through something so much worse than you. No, I don't say that as a competition. I say this because do we really want the bad events that happen to us to define who we are as people? How about the way we processed the bad events and came out the other side? I don't want to be known as the daughter whose father doesn't quite remember her anymore or the wife of a man who has to get a colonoscopy every year to check for a possibility of repeat cancer. I want to be known as a person who's willing to help others even though I might need to help myself. I don't want people's pity, I want their friendship. I want to surround myself with people who will make me laugh. I could sit here and say "why me?" or "why can't I just have a normal life"  or  "This isn't fair". But what's the point? 

In 2025, let us not define ourselves with the bad events that have happened to us. Of course, they are a part of who we are, but they are not the only part. We are so much more than our grieving or our bad news. We are writers, singers, poets, dancers, crafters, mechanics, painters, lovers, athletes, readers, fishermen, mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, aunts, uncles..... the list goes on. 

So 2025, My name is Mary Miller, I'm not going to let the bad events in these next 12 months define me, they will just add to my character. 

Taming Anxiety

I recently watched Inside Out 2 on a flight to Paris, and it sparked some self-reflection. As you might know, the film dives into the complexities of human emotions, particularly when they spiral out of control. One scene, in which the character experiences a panic attack, resonated deeply with me. It brought back memories of times when anxiety overwhelmed my own judgment, leading to unnecessary stress and poor decision-making.

This got me thinking about the delicate balance between emotions and logic. As we've all experienced, our ability to think clearly diminishes when emotions take the reins. We become more prone to irrational fears, impulsive actions, and negative thought patterns. Conversely, a calm and rational mind allows us to approach challenges with clarity and perspective.

Inside Out 2 also highlights the importance of joy. When we're able to focus on positive emotions, we open ourselves up to experiences of happiness. Unfortunately, anxiety often overshadows joy, leading us to focus on worst-case scenarios rather than potential opportunities.

I recently had a firsthand experience of this. During our vacation, I allowed anxiety to take over my plans for a train trip to Belgium. Instead of feeling a sense of adventure and freedom, I fixated on a series of "what ifs": What if we miss our flight? What if Josh doesn't enjoy it? What if something goes wrong? By focusing on these negative possibilities, I robbed myself of the chance to truly enjoy the experience.

Have you ever found yourself trapped in a similar cycle of negative thinking?

We've all been there.

A small problem arises, and before we know it, our minds are racing with worst-case scenarios. Anxiety can quickly escalate a minor issue into a full-blown crisis. I find myself trying to approach these situations with a calm and logical mindset. Sometimes my husband has to remind me to reset myself back to this approach. By focusing on the problem at hand and considering potential solutions, we can not only resolve the issue but also gain a sense of confidence.

We can't use anxiety as an excuse or let it win. There is always a way to solve a problem. We have family and friends who can also help. In today's day we have google/AI to even ask questions. When I freaked out about the train, Josh reminded me if we missed it we could rent a car, get another train ticket, get on a bus. No matter what happened we could figure it out. He reminded me that we can't let anxiety dictate our happiness. 

Let Joy win, because why the heck not? Life is to short to be in a constant state of worry. Let's lean into the resources we have and solve problems with a clear mind.

Sunday thoughts.... 

"Even with my baby sitting next to me, I'm a self-sabotagin' suicide machine"

Some of us put so much pressure on ourselves. We want to please a coach, a parent, a boss, or a family member. Some of us constantly feel we disappoint ourselves and can't see past that. Everyone sees us differently, but we always see ourselves in a negative light. We get labeled as quitters, bitches, or other fun names. 

Regardless.

We try to help others to ensure that no one else feels as miserable as we do. We want to spread happiness because we can't find it ourselves. Some people take advantage of us and don't realize that these acts of kindness heal our self-sabotaging. If we can't give it to ourselves, why not give it to others? We tend to forget that we deserve love and grace, too. 

We are constantly questioned about changing our minds. As if it's bad to have new feelings or want to prioritize your time differently. We get scared to say no to something because we don't want to disappoint anyone, yet we are disappointed. We feel pressured to do something because our friends do it or our spouse is involved. 

The pressure builds, and we have a hard time sleeping. We wake up hoping to hide from everything and spend the whole day in bed, which helps us hide from whatever is causing the pain. The next day, you wake up realizing you can't spend every day in bed. You start to make little decisions that make you feel better. You start to care less about what others think of your decisions. This slowly gives you the confidence to finally just throw the middle finger up and say if you don't like it, well, then F-off. This feeling is as freeing as driving down the road with the windows down in the summer. You feel alive again and have goosebumps on your arm. 

Then something bad happens. 

It could be anything from "Did you hear what so and so said about you" to "Hey, dad's in the hospital again." You try to stop your heart from sinking but find yourself back on your mattress. When people ask me what depression feels like, this is it. It looks different to everyone. It feels different for everyone. Most of the time, you don't even know someone feels this way. 

If you take anything from this blog post, take this: It is okay to change your mind, to take a different path than you intended, to stop fearing what others think, to follow your gut. 

That said, I am not running the Chicago Marathon. I thought long and hard about it. I find no joy in running like that anymore, and my mind is not in the shape it needs to be for this race. I need to prioritize my time in caring for my mind and body. Putting it through a grueling 26 miles is self-sabotaging. 

Let's stop self-sabotaging. The world is mean enough, so let's at least be nice to ourselves. 

Thank you for taking the time to sit in my brain today.

I don't know about you But I'm feeling thirty-two?!

 I have been thinking about age lately, not the number as much as health. My dad had a heart attack a couple weeks ago and his body has not been kind to him for the last 2 years. The problem is he isn't even 70 yet. 

What I have learned about age in the last couple of years is that it really doesn't mean anything, other than a few key milestones by law: 18,21, and 25? I think that's the rental car one. Obviously, health and exercise matters, and my dad was a gym rat. He doesn't have issues walking upstairs, he eats well and stays as active as his body will now let him. 

It is July which means I turn another year older this week. I think to myself what does a healthy 32-year-old look like. 

• I got an Oura ring to track my cardiovascular health and sleep. So far I love it, I would recommend it over an Apple watch as the battery life is amazing, and no notifications!
•  I set a goal to reduce my screen time, this one is tough. I get my screen-time report every Sunday, averaging 4 hours a day which turns on my engineering brain. 4hr/day, 365 days/yr, that's 1460 hr./year. This means I spend 60 days a year straight scrolling, which is a tough pill to swallow. 16% of the year I spend on my phone. The only benefit? I can keep in touch with my family and friends. Additional "benefits" of using my phone include fatigue, depression, and wasting time and money. 
•  After getting a medical massage, I learned I need to stretch more and strengthen my muscles. I signed up for some yoga/strength classes to see how that helps. 

People older than me are reading this thinking "She's so young, she shouldn't have issues yet", but young is the perspective. I think high schoolers are young. People in their 60s think I'm young. People in their 70s think 40-50-year-olds are young. That's why I started this out with I think about age but not as the number. Some 60-year-olds run marathons and some 40-year-olds have a hard time bending down to pick up stuff off the floor. We need to take care of our bodies so our bodies take care of us. I remember laughing in my 20s as someone gave me that advice. Take care of my body, what does that mean?

In life we want people to understand us, or understand what we are going through. It's nice to hear people say you are so strong and you can get through anything. Thank you, but to be honest I don't want to be strong all the time. I grew up handling my own emotions and being strong for myself and others. It is exhausting. You see when you "are so strong" people don't check in on you. They don't ask you how you are or just listen to how you feel. When you are strong people constantly call you to vent, ask how your spouse is doing, and ask for advice/recommendations/suggestions. They get what they need from you because "well Mary is so strong, she will get through anything". 

I would hope people aren't reading this in a negative light. I love being there for people, helping people, and being that reliable call. I love surprising people with gifts or homemade cookies. I enjoy helping people find their happiness and what brings them joy. 

My question back to you is: who is that person in your life right now that you believe is SO strong. When was the last time you genuinely asked them how they were doing? I guarantee it will make their day. 

Let's take care of our bodies so our bodies take care of us. Let's take care of our friends/family because in the world we live in, especially right now, we could use some kindness and love. 

Perfect is good enough

 My views of perfection started at a really young age. I prided myself on never missing a school day and carrying around my perfect attendance award. I remember being the first in my third-grade class to complete the multiplication tables without a single mistake. I remember winning a Scrabble tournament in 5th grade because I would religiously practice spelling. I collected a trophy for being the most athletic female in my class, the most improved, and was chosen for many choir solos. If I practiced and practiced, well perfect is good enough. 

But I also remember the first test I ever failed. It was my driver's test and I was crushed. I didn't know what failing felt like and I hated myself for it. I beat myself up for failing because it was all my fault. To this day I don't enjoy driving and would rather walk. Failure and I were not friends. 

In the early stages of my career, I climbed the ladder of promotions because if I did my job perfectly and checked all the boxes how could I not? I held myself to a standard and thought that everyone should do the same. Well, failure wasn't the only thing that kicked my ass, reality came into play. Life isn't fair, ever heard of that one?

All of a sudden being perfect was just an expectation I put on myself, the only person that cared if I was perfect was me. After multiple attempts at journaling, BetterHelp therapists, and meditation. I started seeing a Life Coach a couple months ago. I am learning to set healthy boundaries around others and myself. I am learning that what I want in life is what I want and that is totally fine. It's okay to not want an inflatable hot tub or a closet full of clothes I'll never wear. I mean you can only wear one outfit a day, right? It's okay to not be an executive before the age of 35. Even though others have done it.

My husband and I are challenged daily with trying to do the right thing and not piss someone off. The problem is no matter how many times we weigh our decisions or try to help, we still piss someone off. No matter how nice, no matter how much we try to contribute, no matter how perfect we try to be it's never enough. At the end of the day whether we are sitting by ourselves at a school event or at the dinner table or on the deck after a long day. As long as we have each other, that is good enough!

As of today my trophies/certificates of perfection sit in a suitcase that I will eventually have to move out of my parent's house. As I get older I will learn to not let my failures define me. I will not let someone's mom make me feel less than. I will not change who I am for someone's approval even if they are family. 

I will continue to help others, continue to fail, and continue to show up for my family and their events. My life coach asked me why I give so much of myself to others. I responded, "I never want anyone to feel like their life doesn't matter. I will do whatever I can to prove to someone that they shouldn't hurt themselves".  

Most days I don't recognize me ..

 After watching the New Richmond Show Choir performance, I decided to sit and watch the musical The Waitress. This song "She Used to Be Mine" was stuck in my head repeatedly. I'm not going to lie to y'all I cried my eyes out at the musical even at the funny parts. A waitress who pours everything into her pies, her patrons, and her family. She winds up finding out she's pregnant and works even harder. She has the baby and finds the strength inside to gain back her freedom.

 DISCLAIMER: Before anyone starts a rumor, I am NOT pregnant. I prefer baking cookies over pie and I wouldn't say the people I serve in my life are patrons at a diner. 

Whoof now that, that's behind us. I think the song can relate to so many people.

• Parents with young children who run around day/night and barely find time for themselves. 
• Parents who "seem to never be around" in their children's eyes, but in the background are grinding away at work to provide for their family.
• Young adults who are living on their own don't have that sense of comfort from living with their parents. Additionally the unknown of starting your own life as an independent. 
• Graduating seniors who used to feel like kids are now starting life outside of the 12 years of schooling, a life with a less formal schedule.
• A 16-year-old who just got their license now realizes the amount of responsibility it takes to have a license and the cost it entails.
• Maybe you went from being single to being married and now you have joint accounts, joint decisions, and joint responsibilities.  

The summary is we go through portions in our lives where we don't recognize who we are because we are so different from who we used to be. We go through times when life used to be simple and now feels so complex. What do you mean I have to coordinate with my husband every day on what we are having for dinner?!? It's comical but before when you were single eating a box of crackers and some cheese probably seemed like enough. We spent so much time wishing we were older when we were younger. Wishing we had more money instead of enjoying what we can actually afford. 

As I ripped off the month of April from our calendar, I started to wonder where did the last 4 months go? I spend so much time wishing/hoping to get to a date or a time. Everything will be less stressful after XX or if we just make it to XX. Valuable time is passing by, time you can't get back. In some cases the person you used to be you can't get back. 

How do we learn to be content with what we have or who we are? That my friend is not easy to answer and it isn't a pill you take to feel better. I started working with a coach to help guide myself to that place of content. Sometimes you can't do it on your own and that is quite alright. 

It is okay to not recognize yourself anymore. It's okay to have to have a good cry. Today I stare outside my window and realize I should just be truly blessed I can experience this sunny day. 

Please take advantage of the sun, don't make any excuses, and breathe the fresh air. 

Everyone's got a lot going on ...

I think about this saying a LOT lately. We understand that everyone has a lot going on in their personal lives and sometimes it's hard to help others. I also am a firm believer that you can make time for those that matter. I'm just going to say this, I am at max capacity. I am helping others as best as I can present and afar, and I am exhausted/overwhelmed. 

Has anyone else felt maxed out? 

I think some rational thinking would help.

Weight loss/Health. I have been overweight, obese, just right, etc my whole life. Weight fluctuates, it doesn't define you. I am proud of people that lose weight but I am triggered by certain statements. "I haven't eaten anything today" " I don't need to eat that much" "I'm never really that hungry" " I can lose 20 pounds in a month" Let's simmer down people. Starving yourself isn't weight loss, it's an eating disorder. That is very triggering for me. You can intermediate fast and eat during a time window a day, totally understand that. But not eating is not weight loss. You, my friend, are losing muscles and when you get older you will wish you had muscles instead of just bones. The best way to lose weight is to get a balanced diet in a calorie deficit. Sprinkle in some exercise, a consistent sleep schedule, cut out some sweets here and there and BAM you will feel amazing in a week. Don't forget that water intake! If you aren't worried about your health then that's a problem. Food is fuel, food is healthy, and weight loss happens when you start to care for your body. The number on the scale doesn't dictate how healthy you are. In November of 2023, I ran a marathon and I was 25 pounds heavier than I am now. Weight DOES NOT define you. Not eating will/can ruin you, I have seen it happen. 

The Deceased. This thought was sparked through reading Romans 6:5-14 "because anyone who has died has been set free from sin". I gave you all the spark notes version there but if we live with Christ and die with Christ we have that path to forgiveness. I read this with my husband and we instantly thought of Luke, his son who passed. The decisions he made or choices he made are not to be judged because he is free from sin. Sadly, people still speak ill of the dead. Let's not channel our energy toward people that don't have the option to change their life. It isn't fair and quite frankly it hurts more than helps. Let's make good choices in honor of those who can't. 

College/School/Career. I have worked in a male-dominated field for most of my adult life. I have a bachelor's degree, this degree doesn't make me better than anyone else. I wanted to go to college; I had a passion for it. I loved school and I loved learning. If that isn't you then that is OKAY. Please don't put yourself in debt for something you don't want in life. My brother is an electrician and is very successful. If you don't have a passion for college then don't do it. I am not a "girl boss" because I work in construction. I am a woman with a job.

Finding the love of your life. I will keep this short and simple. In the words of my mom, "This will happen when you least expect it". Forcing this is a recipe for disaster. 

Asking for help We were not made to go through life alone. Ask for help when you need it. I have been to therapy and reached out to work professionals, old colleagues, college friends, and siblings. There is no weakness in asking for help. Most importantly if you are a believer in faith, lean in! Through my 40 days of bible study, I have strengthened my relationship with god. During this time of being maxed out, I have allowed myself room still for my faith. 

Me.  I'm tired and sad. Yes, my dad "made it a year longer than we thought". But my dad is not really himself anymore. He has changed and the dynamic in my family has changed. Between all that I juggle a lot of other balls. I deal with hatred from people that don't even know me.

At the end of the day, I just want some grace. At the end of the day, I just want to breathe. Sometimes at the end of the day, I want to be left alone.

Everyone's got a lot going on, reach out to a person you haven't in a while. Ask them how they are doing, and if you have the capacity offer some help. At the end of the day you have one life you have to make the best of it. That includes doing what makes you happy, keeping your body healthy (so who knows someday you can run around with your kids, or go on walks with your dogs), and helping others when you can. 

Insert Dave Ramsey's Voice

We live in a time where being an influencer is a profession and a powerful profession at that. I have no issue with the job, I just am not a fan of how it affects some people, I'll get into that later. I would actually like to see an influencer and Dave Ramsey have a conversation. A man who says "Just because it is on sale, doesn't mean you have to buy it", versus an influencer telling you how you need this new top from Amazon because it is so comfy or cute. 

I am guilty. I was incredibly guilty of this. 

I remember when I was younger and had to understand money at a young age. I understood there were times when we paid for gas with our change cup or we saved up some money to enjoy a pizza for a summertime lunch. I enjoyed how simple our childhood was and never really thought about how much money our parents made. I remember when I started working and was proud to make my own money. I felt a sense of pride for paying for things on my own. As I grew older I fell into the trap of consumerism. I thought I needed a name brand this or a name brand that. I would spend and spend. Luckily I cared so much about my credit score that I never racked up any debt but I didn't have any savings. I was influenced. I wore the same Carhart sweatshirt every day but had a closet full of clothes from Nordstrom or Zara. None of which made me feel better. Then I gained weight and kept all the clothes for when I would lose it again and well felt worse. You see consumerism affects your wallet and your gut. One of the deadly sins is gluttony. You continue to spend or continue to eat in hopes that it will make you feel better. Instead, it leaves you surrounded by stuff and you feel more alone. 

I was a glutton. I was incredibly guilty of this. 

Now the people a step above me on the consumerism rank are the people that spend money just to spend money. This is to show that you have everything that everyone wants but you don't have the means to live like that. As Dave Ramsey would say, rich people drive Toyotas. People are rich because they don't buy everything they see in Temu. Now I do think it is a little rough that he says the only time you can see the inside of a restaurant is if you are working there, but I guess he is right. Money can be saved by spending it towards the good and not the glutton. 

I saw this Instagram reel the other day. The guy does a day in the life. He gets into his car (fully paid for) which drives him from A to B. He drinks his cup of coffee (which he made at home) because it provides him the caffeine he needs for the day. He gets ready to call it a day (by getting into his very small bathroom) to take a shower that provides him warm water. The intent was yes he might not have the newest vehicle on the block or the biggest house. But this place provided him everything he needed to save money to get him to the next step/goal in his life. 

Normalize that. I think if we all normalize feeding our body with good food, having a reasonable amount of clothes to get us through the 4 seasons, and limiting our amount of stuff. I think that would take a great deal of stress off of people's plates. Parents could provide the basic means to provide food, shelter, clothes, and love. Young adults could save money for houses/college. Young kids could understand that sometimes you can't get that candy because the change cup well covers gas today. 

My husband feels bad sometimes that I don't walk around with a $10k wedding ring on my finger. I say two things 1) I got you a pack of silicone rings from Amazon and 2) Do you know what we could do with $10,000?! 

Love is not defined by the amount of money you give or the amount you receive. If you feel that way then you have never read the bible. If you think you are entitled to someone's money then you have never read the bible. 

What you are entitled to do is help out others when you can, treat others the way you would like to be treated, and find peace that you are never alone. 

Food for thought.

Can you take me higher ...

 I don't know why Creed has been stuck in my head lately (this song came out in 1999) but there you go...

I missed the first month of the year blogging because I spent a week in Thailand. People asked me what was my favorite part of Thailand: the food? the 93-degree weather? the blue ocean water? 

No, I would answer it was actually the people. A welcoming country with humble people. In the US we are asked to tip after we get a $7 Starby's drink. In Thailand, you can give a tip worth (USD 1) and people look at you like you've changed their life. The main difference is they earned that tip. They treated you with respect, and love, welcomed you, and had the best hospitality I have ever seen. 

It really put people into perspective for me. You know how you watch those Instagram reels "if he wanted to he would" and "if she wanted to she would" when talking about a spouse/friend/coworker doing something for you because they just care. In the US that seems unheard of, while in Thailand people do kind things for you because they are humble people. 

This also kickstarted documentaries and a rabbit hole for me. I started watching that Netflix documentary (the one with the twins) on food and how in 8 weeks you can really improve your health. The documentary didn't make me a vegan but it sparked my need to want to grow my own food. It validated that we buy our pork and beef from a known farmer. It validated my desire to want to raise chickens. 

Why is food so important to me? Well, you see every February my stomach gets in a knot. My husband and I decided to get married in February and before you laugh I don't get nervous for my anniversary. The same week of our wedding anniversary Josh goes in for his annual colon cancer check-up. We are in good spirits for that because his physical this week concluded that in less than a year he has lost 14lbs and has lowered his cholesterol without the need for medication. Our food choices matter! 

I am in the mindset of quality over quantity. I used to think in my teens and 20's I needed a designer bag or expensive kicks or $80 lotions. In the last year, I have sold all my designer stuff and cleaned the clutter. I would rather be rich in experiences, health, homegrown foods, and kindness. I am not going to lie with coupons I saved $20 at Dollar General last week, buying toilet paper and paper towels. I felt like a champion. It's the little things. I also got a library card and felt like a badass, you can rent books on your Kindle?! 

I try to look out for others and pay it forward when I can. I take into account people are busy and they have their own lives going on. I don't understand the culture of ghosting or not getting back to someone. I don't understand continuously talking poorly about people and then expecting them to be excited to see you and welcome them with open arms. I do understand that people need validation and clarity. We need to know when we've done something wrong or made someone upset. This is how we grow as people. We also reserve the right to make it better or apologize, we may not be forgiven but let's get the chance to make it right. 

So my line for 2024 is: let's be humble. 

Grieving is weird

 Grieving is a weird thing, a strange state of mind. 

I feel for my husband when he travels for work because his mind wanders when he doesn't sleep well. He thinks about his dad who he lost a couple years ago which keeps him up longer. Now that he's up he turns to his phone where a Facebook Memory pops up about his son Lucas who passed away last year. Then it hits him, and he starts to grieve. He then will proceed to stay awake till 4 am to pass out of pure exhaustion by 5am, to then hear an alarm go off by 6am. He will work the whole day without anyone knowing about the miserable night he had. We then do our Facetime dinner date at 6pm and chat about his night and how it affected his day. I remind him he will be home soon and that he has every right to have had those feelings.  

I find myself talking to my sisters. We talk about the person our dad is now and how he is not the dad he used to be. His stage 5 kidney disease has taken over his body and he will never be the strong gym rat we remember. Although he is still alive, we grieve all the memories we once had with him. We grieve the physical strength he had when he looked in the mirror after a tough workout, now not even coming close to weighing 200lbs. We cry thinking about it. But my sister goes to work and teaches math to students who have no idea what emotional load she's carrying.

I look at my dogs and start to cry. I grieve the person I used to be. I spend so much of my time trying to be perfect and say the right thing or do the right thing just to make others happy. In return I am exhausted. I could spend 99% of my time saying the right thing and I'll be remembered for the 1% time that I lost my cool. I'll be expected to apologize for the 1% instead of just being understood that under a lot of pressure, external/internal people need a break or space. I carry the grief going on in my side of the family, my husband's side of the family, and well whatever goes on in my head. But I'll continue on with my day and others may have no idea. 

Some may think well Mary this is super dark for a holiday post. To be honest it isn't. I think it is clear that this time of year is the perfect time of year to step back. The person who looks like they have their life together might just need someone to say something nice to them to keep them from falling apart. The parent that you don't see eye to eye with might just need to have a conversation to clear the air. I could of spent my whole life hating my mom for always working instead of being at all of my events. But because she worked I was able to play every sport I wanted, I learned to play the saxophone and I was allowed to go to a great college. The grudge that you have been holding out for or the apology, let it go. As cliche as this sounds, life is too short. 

We need to realize the impact of our words and the intent of our words. Texting has ruined that. A completely innocent informative text can be read with a sarcastic jerk tone. That wasn't the intent of the text but the impact caused by the person that read it now thinks you are an asshole. Heck, we text more than we actually communicate, apologies are done through text, invitations are done through text, meeting scheduling, galore!

I'm not saying to forgive everyone and yay life is all good again. What I'm saying is that people are grieving something, people are going through something, if we don't give them that grace then don't expect it to be given when you find yourself going through something. 

As I get through these next few weeks, I will be heading to Thailand with my husband. Before I was married I would visit a different country every year to expose myself to cultures and customs internationally. I called it a selfish trip, but a good friend corrected me. Mary, you aren't selfish, you just need some self-care. 

Please enjoy your holidays, be safe, and have fun but most importantly give yourself some time for some "self-care".

Love to all,

Thankful, Grateful, Family

With "grateful" trending on social media, I saw a video of a man grateful for the pills he had to swallow this year. One of them being you don't really matter to people so don't let them matter so much to you. I know I know, not very holiday cheery or "press play" on Mariah Carey. I watched the video over and over so I could let the words sink in. Obviously, the takeaway isn't "screw everyone, I'm going to live in a tower over who-ville with my dog Max and ruin everyone's Christmas." 

 

*cough cough feel for you Grinch cough*

We live in a weird time: technology advances are incredible, chatGPT can plan your vacations with one search, and our iPhones are made of TITANIUM. The problem with technology is it has allowed everyone to become viral over anything. Health and fitness advice is given from just about anyone. The pressures of what a perfect family should be and look like. The social pressures of having a plethora of bridesmaids, always going out/traveling, or having the best fashion-forward clothes. The best is the pressures of the holidays. If we aren't showing up with the top 10 gifts of the year we are told by so many just get along with our family members for one day. That one makes me chuckle. I love my siblings and we are all so different. We met completely different people that make us happy and we have made our own little families. 

That is the magic of growing up. 

All we truly want for our family members is for them to live a happy life. If that means having animals and a ranch-style house, having a huge yard with children, or living in an apartment in the city and ending the night with a glass of wine. I explain this same concept to my husband daily. As teenagers become young adults they aspire to have their own life and soon their own family. That my friend doesn't make you a bad Dad regardless of what the peanut gallery continues to say. You never stop being a parent your role just looks a little different. Heck, they might find themselves saying "My dad used to do this let's do that, or whatever we do let's not do what parents did".

 That is OKAY too, people make mistakes and they learn. 

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am still swallowing that pill. The pill that allows me to focus on all the GOOD I have in my life, instead of all the things people want to fault me for. I admit that I'm not perfect although I want to be more than anything else. I have overreacted over certain things which I internalize and regret. The problem is I bottled too many things inside and swallowed the wrong "pills". I let things happen to just not start an argument, which then causes a "Mary explosion". 

This year I am grateful/thankful for all the people who reminded me on even my worst day that I'm only human. I am thankful for the paths my siblings have chosen to become the best version of them. I am thankful for my husband's family who plays a huge role in creating a family for me that is far from where I grew up. Lastly, I am thankful for my husband because we constantly prove that with each other and our nighttime prayers, we can conquer all. 

To all the Negative Nancy's, take some vacation this holiday season from being a hater. The holidays are a hard time for all. Instead of saying terrible things, try saying something nice for the next month. You'll feel much better for it. Happy Thanksgiving, safe travels, and much love.

I am unhinged, unworthy, and distasteful to mostly everyone I meet, however I am loyal to a fault to anyone I find kindness in

 I would say everyone has probably made their opinion on Zach Bryan by now. Either all his songs sound the same, I love all his music or he's okay. While his music is easy listening and some pieces can sound common. I enjoy his lyrics more and more each day. 

I see a lot of Instagram reels, "My husband's super outgoing life of the party". While the wife sits by herself or plays with the dog to recharge her social batteries. I can't help but relate to those more and more each day. I'm not the type to sit at a volleyball game and talk drama to the mom next to me. I'm not the type of person to just unload my day on some random person at Kwik Trip. I mostly am reserved and keep my circle of trust relatively small. 

I wouldn't say I have a resting bitch face. In fact, I have quite the opposite, people tell me EVERYTHING. But I would agree with Zach Bryan, until I can find genuine kindness in someone, people might find me distasteful. I wouldn't want people to confuse that with my kindness. I might not be overly outgoing and flirty like my husband, but I am weary of trusting people right away. I have a defensive front and that is to protect myself and others. The sad part is that I feel like I have to defend that and I shouldn't have to. 

I think that trickles into other things that bother me. If people were more honest and transparent, our opinions would be heard. Instead of telling someone "Nothing is wrong" and then telling another person"Wow I hate that or Why did she do that".  If we voice our concerns and people are receiving them, imagine the world we could become. It is so hard for some people to say "Hey what you did wasn't right". We need to not be defensive about their comment but more thankful for the fact they came forward. Speaking up is a hard thing for a person to do, let us hear them, think about what they said, and figure out what can be fixed. 

There are unkind people in the world. They aren't unkind because they look a certain way. They are unkind because they have struggles. They are unkind because life isn't going their way. They are unkind because they were brought up without experiencing happiness. If we find more kindness in ourselves we will form allies and relationships. If we are less defensive and aggressive about constructive criticism we will become some of the best leaders people have ever seen. If you say you have an open-door policy then mean it. 

You don't have to be the fun one, you don't have to be the life of the party, you don't have to agree with everything. I have always spoken up. In my adult life, it has made me feel like a complainer. Until recently I talked to an executive who was just signing off on the call and said "Hey Mary", "Yeah Taylor what's up?"  "Never stop speaking up".  

Be honest, be kind, and be a good person. That's what it takes to feel belonging. 

A shoe is just a shoe until someone steps into it.

I'm not a movie type of person. I don't enjoy sitting and watching a movie, if I do it definitely is one that is under 2 hours. A dinner and a movie date have never been my "go-to".  I get bored easily and get distracted. I enjoy books that are fast read for this exact reason. 

Yesterday we watched Air.

What a movie, heck even my husband cried. For anyone wondering it doesn't take a lot to get his happy tears flowing. Air was a movie that made you feel instantly inspired. It reminds me of when my siblings and I would watch Wimbledon. We were like we can do that, we would go to the nearest tennis courts, slap a couple balls and soon realize we weren't even close to the William's sisters. But we felt the inspiration inside of us. 

Don't get me wrong, I won't be buying myself a pair of Air Jordans anytime soon. 

But the one quote stuck with me all day. "A shoe is just a shoe until someone steps into it". This applies to so many parts of our life. An object is just an object unless you make it more. A house is just a house until you make it a home. A paycheck is just money unless you invest in something with it. (Not saying to spend tons of money on something you won't use just to do it. But if you invest in yourself with it and use the home exercise equipment or buy better food to fuel your body. It's more than just money.)  Words are also just words. Unless there is an action associated. (When my husband apologizes he always says I know I have to show you not just say sorry. His right actions are more than words) A gift is just a gift. Unless there is thought and love behind it. For example sometimes just showing up means more than a Venmo transfer. 

We must learn about our audience and ourselves in order to make objects more than just objects. Just because someone has something also doesn't mean it's something you are meant to have. As people, we choose how to spend our time, money, and love. No one is guaranteed a specific amount. 

I find myself slowly letting the suffocating thoughts of people's opinions of me finally dissipate. I realize you can't stop people from saying hurtful things or painting you as the bad guy. At first, I was trying to stop them because I didn't want to constantly have to defend myself, especially my stepkids. But no matter how many good things I do, opinions will be made and those good things may be forgotten. 

A role is just a role until someone steps into it. 

You can do the best you can do. Somedays it will feel like you are in Wimbleton serving like Serena Williams. On other days you are at the high school tennis courts trying to figure out how to use your backhand. 

Have you ever angry cried?

 Growing up my mom called it the "Wieboldt" temper (her maiden name). Some of us had it and others didn't. I never really got angry. I couldn't understand the feeling. Then I got older... 

I got older and I got angry. I started to get protective over my family and friends. I hated when someone made them feel bad. I always prided myself on being emotionless, I didn't really cry that much in my 20s and I just took life how it came. Then I got married to a very emotional man, and well I cried. I hate it and I cry. 

Lately, I have been writing about not being able to understand people. I spend a lot of time getting to know my husband. We have taken personality tests, enneagram tests, color tests, and galore. He knows what makes me tick and I have learned what bothers him. 

I grew up with 5 siblings, in a house that well for 8 people had 1 bathroom. We learned about patience, time management, and how to respect someone's space. All from that 1 bathroom. We didn't have a lot of money but we had a lot of love. We sat down for dinner every night, we did chores, and we played outside. We got in our fair share of trouble but we also made our fair share of outside games. I learned many things from my mom. The most important, work hard no one can say anything about you if you work hard. I worked hard. We went to public school and did just fine. I graduated high school in the top 10, graduated from one of the top engineering schools, and landed a job in DC right after graduation. I traveled to many cities and met a lot of people. I worked countless hours to pay off all $40k  of my student loans by age 25. I saved up money to travel to different countries. I have put myself through 6 very straining marathons. I have grieved over lost family members and have experienced my fair share of trauma. I have survived depressing times even when they seemed very dark. I bought my first house before I was 30. I married a man who has kids of his own, something I knew my body wasn't capable of doing. 

When reading that did you think about what I looked like at all, or how much money I had in my bank account? No, you read it like damn I have been through a lot too Mary. I have seen some things. I have accomplished my own milestones. I have my own story. 

You ABSOLUTELY do. No one had to tell me that I did all those things. No one had to explain to me how those things affected my life. 

We are in the year 2023, We live in a world where people go, "Well how is XX doing?', instead of just asking them themselves. We live in a world where we apologize over text messages, well because that should just solve everything. We live in a world where WORDS hurt more than being in actual pain because when your mind is sad you can't just take an Advil. 

I refuse to do that. If I want to know how someone is I text/call them when they have time. If I messed up I own up to my mistakes. If I have a problem with someone I list out what they did to make me feel that way, regardless of "how I took it". You can ask my family, there is nothing fake about me. I am pretty transparent.

People are human beings. When someone hurts someone so bad that they cry or feel depressed, I think of my cousin. My cousin, three years ago committed suicide because he had a girlfriend that he truly loved. She decided to send him texts and play with his emotions. Out of deep depression, he felt worthless, he felt like he wasn't good enough, and he was never going to reach the bar. He wasn't good enough for his girlfriend. Someone died because of someone's words. 

In return, all we got was, he understood me wrong. I didn't say it like that. Someone else said that not me. 

That's why I angrily cried today. Words are not just words. 

Shout it from the rooftops!

Why do people have to be so mean? Today I was told by someone at work we are building a hospital, not a simple sports project. It's funny how you can be told something at 6:30 am and it lingers with you all day. There are plenty of people that I don't understand. 

• I don't understand the person that explains how you feel when they didn't go through your situation and/or they weren't around during your time of grief. I understand the people who try to relate to your personal problems to provide comfort that you are not alone. I just don't need to be told how I feel or should feel.

• I don't understand the person that says "Oh we gave you the idea to do that". For example, as we got back from Alaska, our neighbors packed for their trip and headed to the airport. I didn't think to myself "thank god I gave them the idea to go".  I was jealous that I had to come back. The best part about traveling is everyone has their OWN reason to do it, don't be so self-absorbed to think people only do things because you did them first. 

• I don't understand the person that is obsessed with weight. I get it. I do, we grew up focusing on our weight all the time. The key word is we focused on OUR weight. We didn't value people because of their weight. To quote my sister, "Your weight is the LEAST interesting thing about you". You, my friend, are worth so much more than a number or the size of your jeans. I struggle with this daily but I will never let my weight define me. I will never let weight define anyone, especially my family. 

• I don't understand the person that has to tell me about how people feel about me or my family. I don't actually care if this random person doesn't like my brother, sister, or brother-in-law. My family is my family. I'm the only one that can bust their balls. No matter what I would have their back and defend them at any time. If you are interested in being a part of my family, I'd expect you to do the same. 

• Lastly, I don't understand the person that obsesses over how messed up a person/family is. My favorite was recently someone commented, "Well you can tell she's a stepmom and not a real mom". That's your opinion but quite frankly there are moms that abandon their kids, and there are stepmoms that don't even give their stepchildren the time of day. Thank you for grading my parenting but I'm just not here for it. I don't care if the way my family expresses themselves isn't the same way you would. What works for us, won't work for everyone. 

I have just had the urge to scream today. Just to tell all of the mean people in my life to just give it a rest. Let us live. Stop trying to be the drama queen of the family, stop trying to hold us together. To be honest with my husband I feel like we can conquer all. 

I hope everyone finds their partner in crime in life. May that person get you through all the people you don't understand. The world doesn't need any more judgment. Try saying something nice to someone today. 

Mental Health Matters

 To those who have been blessed with a mind to always be happy, I envy you. This month always gives me shivers as I am reminded of October of 2021 when my dad tried to hurt himself. We assume that people are okay, and we want them to be okay. We want everyone to be happy and we can't understand why they aren't. 

I was in a funk all last week. I could not shake the sadness. The sadness of trying to feel a sense of worth or belonging. Depression can hit at any time and sometimes you just get overwhelmed, it feels as if a wave crashed over you and you are desperately trying to get to the surface to take a breath of air. There's nothing wrong with you if you don't feel okay. That's the part that I hate. "How can I fix you, or fix this". Before anyone freaks out I already seek help. This isn't a cry for attention. 

I care about everyone's mental wellness. Heck, I even started running again to try to reduce my depression, and it helps. Having something to focus on can be great for your mind until you pull a muscle and have to take a couple days off. 

I think the worst part about being sad is having to explain yourself. Why do you feel this way? What can people around you do to support you? I don't want to have to tell someone how to make me feel better. Or when some people only happen to see you sad but they don't see all your happy times. They start to lump you in as just being a negative person. Then when the labels start the wave pushes you under more.

I'm not a sad person, and I'm not a negative person. I hate being labeled as something I'm not, or being compared to someone I'm not. I am not trying to be a better step-parent than anyone else, or a better sister, or a better wife. I am just trying to be me, Mary Miller. I am trying to give the best version of myself to everyone every day. On days that I can't promise I can give my best, I try to get better and take some time to myself to just breathe. 

It's okay to take those days. Take your personal days. Reset your mind, watch some Firefly Lane on Netflix ball your eyes out. Cry and cry and then laugh a little. I think about what used to stress me out. In my younger years of middle school or high school. It makes me chuckle thinking about it, a boy who I had a crush on that thought I was gross. Or Biology, I always hated biology. 

On Netflix there's a show "How to Get Rich", I personally thought the show was going to suck. But it is all about living your "rich" life. Everyone's definition of rich is different. The same as everyone's definition of being happy, or everyone's definition of a good parent. We all have different ways we think the world should look. 

But if we focus on our own "rich" life, how can we lose? If we focus on ourselves and who we want to be and what we want, while ignoring the noise. How can you lose?

Today think about your rich life. What does it look like? Check-in with your friends and family. Most importantly understand it's okay to be sad. And for all of us trying to comfort our sad family and friends let's remember no one wants to be sad.